Are you tired of all those sissy, mushy        "friendship" poems that always
sound good but never actually come close to reality?    Well, here is a
series of promises that really speaks to true friendship! 


1. When you are sad,       ...I will get you drunk       (or gorge on chocolate) and
help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard       who made you sad.

2. When you are blue,      ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.  
3. When you smile,       ...I'll know you finally got laid.    

4. When you are scared,        ...I will rag       you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried,       ...I will tell you horrible stories      about how
much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused,       ...I will use little words to explain.  

7. When you are sick,       ...stay away from me until you're well again. 
      I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, ...I will point and laugh       at your clumsy    ass.

This is my oath, ...I pledge 'til the end.    Why you may ask?        Because
you're my friend!  

Send this to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you
can only think of two,       and one of them is not speaking to you right now
anyway. 

Remember:    A friend will help you move.       A really good friend will help
you move a body.   

    Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.